The Evil Public Option

In the town where I grew up, there were a couple of mom and pop bookstores, one called Borders, and one called Barnes & Noble.  These small businesses, the backbone of our economy, provided a wide array of reading material, music and games, along with coffee and scones.  Each also provided a type of membership card.  The one from Borders was free, and entitled holders to additional discounts on books and free desserts on their birthdays.  The one from Barnes & Noble cost $25 and entitled holder to save at least $25 over the course of purchasing something like another $1000 worth of books.  Both were a great deal, and these little mom and pop stores provided each other with a healthy competition in the spirit of the American Dream.

Then one day, a “public option” was forced upon my little town.  This government-run public option – some called it a “library,” I called it a nazi-loving beauracratic nightmare – had the audacity to swoop down and start offering books to people for FREE!  How in the hell could our little mom and pops ever hope to compete with that?!?  This evil library also gave out membership cards, and anyone who had one could take home a whole STACK of books for up to a MONTH at a time!!!  Sure, sometimes people had to wait a little bit for access to bestsellers, and since books had to be returned you couldn’t give them as gifts or keep them on your shelves to show people how well-read you were, but still.  No one on the planet could possibly compete with this kind of undermining of the free market.

Soon after this public option library came to town, Borders and Barnes & Noble were forced to close up their small businesses, costing hard-working Americans their jobs, and bringing us one step closer to Stalinist Russia.  That is why I will never again support a public option of any kind for anything.  I love America too much.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the post-office, which means I have to drive all the way past the fire house, the public elementary school and the police station, so I’d better get going.


10 Responses to The Evil Public Option

  1. Sherry Gorr says:

    Brava! Good stuff!

  2. Jordon says:

    Same thing happened in my town, no more Brentano’s, no more WaldenBooks — all thanks to these “Liberrys” or Lie-Bury’s… just like the books they carry – Liberal Manifestoes where they ‘bury’ their ‘lies’ into the pages of the books. The same books our children will be forced to read if they go to one of these “Public Option” Schools. And then those lies get buried into their subconscious psyche and then they begin to think for themselves and envision change and promote tolerance and encourage Healthy debate. And the next thing you know, they start to care about their fellow man and their neighbor and the well-being of all people of all colors and creeds and backgrounds and seeing us as a beautiful collective of individuals making up a larger indistinguishable harmonious mass called the Human Race. And then they’ll view us as a larger ‘Society’ and want to make things better and easier for each of us as individuals to better strengthen that societal whole. And that leaves us with the Green Sprig of Socialism growing from our kids who actually care about others and think that what’s most important in the arms race is the helping hand at the end of it.

    (I’m sorry, I said, ‘Green Sprig growing from’ – I meant, ‘Red Cloud fogging over’)

    Oh, look at the time. I have to go – our book burning is beginning… I hope those Red-leaning bastards the “Fire”men don’t show up… what a misleading name – they do NOT promote fires, I’ll have you know.

  3. Evelyn says:

    Very clever all of it! Thank you for your post on Huffington today so that I could find the “rest of you” here.

  4. janey says:

    Love it !!!!
    You should send it to all members of congress,CNN,MSNBC,HLN And Fox News but i dont think Fox would accept it.

    may be able to get one of the Democrat senators to read it on the house floor before this last voting session…
    Maybe they will let Dem.Congressman Alan Grayson from Florida read it into record.LOL
    he is the one that got up on the house floor with big charts on a easel. and said the republicians want people to die quickly if they do get sick.
    He is one i truely think he will do it…

    • Peter Turner says:

      Fox just might accept it but they would hardly understand it.


      • Better than them says:

        You’re sooo right. I mean we’re clearly superior to those jackasses at Fox News because we’re indy and we’re standing up for the little guy…by telling him that we know better than he does because he watches Fox News.

        Yay for us!

  5. […] it was only a matter of time before it ruined our excellent health care system by agreeing to a public option and turning America into Stalinist […]

  6. Beth says:

    The problem is that the public option as it was designed in the bill would have led to an eventual take over of the entire system, or socialist healthcare. That is why it was allowed to be villified, the democrats don’t actually want socialist health care. They don’t even want a public option. They just wanted to put up the semblence of an effort so they could pass a bill that benefitted lobbyists, big insurance and big pharma and still tell their constituents that they tried hard.

  7. Beth says:

    The problem arises when the public option becomes the only option. Libraries are great, but they don’t always have the latest best sellers. And without the general public being able to decide what books to purchase, you wouldn’t even have best sellers. You would just have to take what the library offered whether it is what you wanted or not.

    I’m all for a public option, as long as the private options are still around to provide an alternative and competition. The way the public option was written didn’t really guarentee that.

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