Sneaky, Single Payer Loving Democrats, Public Option Tricks are for Kids

For reasons no one is quite clear on, Democrats decided the health care system in America is broken. For even more nebulous reasons, they pretended they were going to fix it. Of course, the Marx and Engels crowd on the left has been screaming “Single Payer!” for decades just because 36 other countries have made their health care systems work better than our employer based, highly profitable one.  That’s crap!  Everybody knows that America is the best at everything, no matter where we rank, so shut up!   Anyway,  those of us who understand that the government ruins everything knew it was only a matter of time before it ruined our excellent health care system by agreeing to a public option and turning America into Stalinist Russia.

That’s why I was so confused when Democrats, led by Max Baucus, voted for a bill that includes a mandate for buying health insurance, but no public option. At first I thought it was just a desperate attempt to pander for the single and ultimately meaningless vote of Olympia Snowe, because nobody loves acting all high and mighty about their bi-partisanship more than Democrats. Then I realized that this is actually a sneaky, slippery route to the government-run health care that left wing nut jobs have been clamoring for all along.

Think about it. If there’s a mandate for insurance but no public option, what happens to the people who can’t pay? They go to jail, obviously. And what do you get in jail? Free, government-run health care.

Or maybe they’ll just get a fine. But if they can’t pay for health insurance, how will they pay the fine? Obviously, they’ll have to get a job with the only organization still hiring these days: the Army. And once they’re in the Army, they’ll get free, government-run healthcare. And the Democrats will finally be able to have that troop surge they’ve been pushing for in Afghanistan! They win on all counts!

Or maybe, they’ll fight the system, and keeping fighting until they grow old, or at least over 65, when they will receive free, government-run health care.

This must be stopped. In America, we believe in free choice. That’s why your employer, if you have one, is free to choose who will be your healthcare provider. If you take that choice away from us, we’ll be left getting treated as badly as criminals, old people and the Army. And that’s just not right.

-The FunPie


2 Responses to Sneaky, Single Payer Loving Democrats, Public Option Tricks are for Kids

  1. Jeff says:

    I owe you a huge, and humbling, apology. I left you a comment somewhere about your blog, titled “Who would Jesus insure?”, that was quite unpleasant. Later, a friend pointed out the satirical brilliance of your work to me, and I have to agree. You are one funny lady. That day, I had been reading too many disappointing headlines… and came across your comments (maybe, on Huffington Post) at the wrong time. So, again, I apologize. I hope you will take a look at my site, and lend me any criticisms you see fit. Thanks! Keep up the good work.

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